Part I: Coming Out

A few years ago, I started a blog to share humorous observations or rants. There were things I witnessed that made me guffaw or scowl and I wanted to share that with others. It’s what I do. That is the genuine me online and in my like for reals life. I’m rarely serious and to a degree it is my biggest flaw. I’ve never found a time where I took shit seriously because really, life is too short to get so wound up about things like work, household duties, parenting, exercise, diet, etc. Just think about anything you do and that shit is not that serious. Only one thing is that serious. People.

The people in your life are the only thing that should be taken seriously 100% of the time. That is why I’ve started this blog. My family. They have needed me. Shit got serious.  As a result, I have changed. Evolved if you will.

I don’t want to say my humor was brutally murdered, but I’ll be honest, it is in a comatose state. I’ve simply changed. Rather I’ve evolved into a person who is a little more jaded. I’m still silly and all that positive bullshit, but that part of me is quiet at the moment. I’ve often sat at my desk, staring at a blinking cursor trying to conjure up humorous blog post only to leave defeated. The only thing on my mind was/is the issues my family and I face.

I kept asking myself why I continue to skirt around the issues my family faces.  It’s silly. I want to open up a dialogue so others can see they are not alone in their struggles. Let’s call this blog post my coming out party. Go pour yourself a drink, pull up a chair and get comfy. Go ahead I’ll wait.

Ready? Here we go.

Twenty-two months ago, I was at work on a typical day. I received a phone call from my beloved spouse which was nothing out of the ordinary. He asked me to come home because he wanted to talk to me. Initially, this worried me, but I figured it must be important so I left work early at his request. The only thing I thought he wanted to tell me was he’d quit his job since he’d been experiencing a lot of stress and dissatisfaction at work.

I drove home nervous because we could not afford for his employment status to change to un.  “Why would he do this without telling me,” ran through my mind the entire drive home. I finally arrived home, put on my brave face and entered the house.

He was sitting on the back patio when I arrived home. Our home is diminutive and quaint, so as I entered the house from the garage, I could see him sitting, waiting for me. I traversed through the tiny kitchen he recently spent the last few months remodeling. In spite of how afraid I was to hear what he had to say, I smiled briefly reflecting on how much I enjoyed my unique, new kitchen.

He and I spent months deciding how to make our kitchen something incredible while using the least amount of money possible. Although taxing and time consuming, the venture of remodeling was fun and brought us closer. I was determined to paint that kitchen orange. He vehemently protested, but ultimately gave in to my color choice in an effort to please his amazing wife. We laughed when the ever-so-sought-after color turned out to be the most atrocious shade of orange that fell somewhere between pumpkin guts and pureed carrots. Antique lace, a light shade of yellow, finally became the color we settled on. It was lovely.

The happiness slowly melted away and my heart began to race as I approached the patio door, pausing for a moment. My husband held a few sheets of paper casually in his hand. “Shit,” the word inserted itself into my mind with little protest. “He actually wrote shit down. This must be serious.” I was certain he’d quit his job and neglected to consult me on the matter. The actual truth never even occurred to me as I pulled up a chair to hear what he had to say.

That’s the thing about life. It never is what anyone expects. One minute you travel through life at an exhilarating, thrilling pace and things are effortless and nearly perfect. You look around your home, into the eyes of your children, at the person lying in bed next to you, never suspecting the monster around the corner, lurking in the dark waiting to consume you and your family.